Thozha Thozha

So a conversation on Platonic Friendships between a guy and a gal goes something like this. Some extrapolation included.

Girl:       Hey Friend, Give me your shoulders I want to rest my head on your shoulder when I talk about how Platonic our love is. Our relationship will never ever be a Romance. Isn’t that so awesome?

Guy:      Um, Nothing wrong in that. Romance is pretty terrific too. And a friendship that turns to love often does happen, you know?

Girl:       Oh come on. You and I. Have you even thought about it?

Guy:       (I just told you so, idiot. I HAVE thought about it.)   Well, notice this. When we are chatting about this and that we may be very cool. But when it is time to say goodbye there is a small awkward silence, right? Isn’t that Romance?

Girl:  (Aiyo. He is changing track. I should never have brought this topic up.)  Well. You know how friendship is forever and Romance isn’t? Romance has its disadvantages. Friendship is safe. (Moreover dude, you are fun and all that but I do not really have the hots for you. )

Guy:      Well if she feels that way. Ok. Friendship rocks.

Girl:       See we understand each other perfectly. It is the evil world which misunderstands us.

Guy:      Yeah right.

The only thing I like about this song is that it is so true to life. This is for real. This really is how many men and women who are uncertain about their feelings for their special friend behave. A few of the things I have noticed based on long discussions with the ‘Youth’ of today goes something like this.

1) The Victim can be male or female. This is not a gender specific problem at all. More often than not, it is the more attractive partner that wants to keep things at “just friendship” and keep his/her options open and the less attractive partner that wants more commitment and thinks of taking things to the next level. The reason is very obvious. The more attractive partner is getting more and more options and they just do not want to miss this attention just yet.  The top reason for this type of relationship to exist is to feel wanted and be sexy.

2) Sometimes both of them are pretty attractive and there is a seeming Status Quo in their relationship. There seems to be no obvious jealousy or possessiveness in the relationship. They go out of their way to show the world this by setting each other up with other people. This is not real, it is just that both are pretty sure that they are the hottest option on the block. This is until the better looking, younger girls come along (into the college or office as the next batch) to interest the guys or the parents of the girl start showing prospective “Maapillai Photos” to the girls. More often than not, the relationship is shaken at its roots at this stage. They “break up” even if there was never a relationship in the first place.

3) Both Partners are actually completely self-aware regarding the fakeness of their Platonic Relationship. They both know that they are being attracted to each other in a not too innocent . They are completely in the know regarding the fact that the relationship is unequal and is hurting one of them. But they just play innocent (as in the above song). They pretend more to each other than to the world.

4) Sometimes they keep it this way so that they need not be tainted with the boyfriend/girlfriend count. They can then truthfully say that they had never been in a relationship after having had all the perks of having been in a relationship.

5) Most importantly, they do not stick by each other in times of real need.

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11 thoughts on “Thozha Thozha

  1. Quite like your points!!!
    Unrelated, but what I thought of while reading this is: I came across an interview in which Venkat Prabhu had mentioned Mass-u is an out and out ‘Youth’ movie. Who does this refer to????? :-O
    On another unrelated note, why wasn’t I included when you were surveying the ‘Youth’ out there? :-p
    Would love to read more posts from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anu, I just listened to the song recently.

    1) Youth in mass movies always refers to boyses. Girlses are not youth, they are figuru. They will be often referenced in Saraku paatu.
    2) As mentioned earlier, you are fuguru. So you were not included in youthu question. Because figuru never understands the problem of youthu.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Madhu says:

    When the movie was released, there was this big interview with Cheran in some weekly where he said: “this is how ‘matured’ people fall in love. First, they become friends and then they fall in love” (!) I was so curious about this statement – and being the young, impressionable girl I was then – I decided to actually watch the movie. When the song did come, I was thoroughly confused whether it was a ‘duet’ or a ‘mustafa mustafa’ kind of a song. In the end when they “do” marry, I was thoroughly offended that what started out as a pretext to friendship was actually love. (No, no, I am not saying friends shouldn’t become lovers, but that this was such emotionally confused song). Now, when I think back I am actually astounded by my naivete – I didn’t even recognize ‘friendzoning’. Back then ofcourse it was not called by that name.

    And your youth vs figure: take a bow, awesome indeed!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “this is how ‘matured’ people fall in love. First, they become friends and then they fall in love”

    I often wish to see love stories that are neither love at first sight nor the type where they get on each others nerves for the sake of it and we are supposed to go all “Aww” about it just because they are the hero and heroine. That means love-cum-friendship movies should be my thing. One of them wants friendship, the other wants romance, there is confusion, there is dialogue, there are a couple of confessions and there is love and it ends well. Nice story line.

    This song could have been great if she does not pretend to not understand. That makes her dishonest, and that makes me want to give her a piece of mind.

    Have you noticed that in romance movies, we are often asked to root for not very likeable people? They may not be horrible, but they make you slightly uncomfortable.

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  5. Yes I know what you mean, they mostly come across as self-centered (or just selfish). I find this especially irritating when I watch (and rewatch) Needhane En Pon Vasantham. I find them thoroughly unlikeable, and I always feel bad for the girl he left right before the muhurtham. Maybe the leads deserve each other because they are both not-nice in almost the same way. (I may also be irritated by the way Samantha speaks, lol.) But to my surprise, I found girls my age liking the movie for this exact reason, apparently they could relate to Nithya so much that they watched the movie multiple times in the theatre. :-O I think I could relate more to the romance in Mariyaan.
    I like to think I want to watch actual love stories (hopefully ending with a reaffirming message), but in some sense, I’m more relieved when girl and boy are just shown overcoming external problems (that is, we quickly establish they are in love and move on to what’s preventing them from being together).
    I like it more when they are friends first too, at least we are led to believe that they knew each other well before realizing they love each other. In case of love at first sight (or in the case of the heroine, love because the hero loves her), it becomes instantly unbelievable. As for the Tom & Jerry type love sequences, those are even more irritating (Thiruda Thirudi comes to mind right now).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Madhu says:

    These opposite attracts are ok, but the problem comes when instead of giving grey shades on a character the hero/heroine is made thoroughly unlikeable that all one feels are only 2 options: one, they are both so bad that they deserve each other or two, one of the party is bad and the other is good that the good doesn’t deserve this crap. Take this latest movie Romeo Juliet (I cribbed on a different issue of the same movie in another blog) – the heroine character is quite believable, she is an orphan. She has brought herself up in this big,bad world and has convinced herself that money is the ultimate elixir and she needs it roomsfull to actually lead a life. And the hero needs to convince her otherwise. And when she actually explains to him – “I cant wait for you to become rich” is a superb layer on her character after she “shows” him what she means and makes him spend around a lakh (it is too much for him, he earns 15K) on a single day. Really, you couldn’t make her have this conversation before? By the end of it, all you feel is that Karthik (are heroes named anything else at all these days?) shouldn’t waste his life on Aishwarya. And in the second half when he harrasses her continuously to make her “understand” his love, the total sympathy factor shifts towards Aishwarya – I ended up feeling Karthik doesn’t deserve a woman, especially Aishwarya.

    Contrary to this, in NEPV the leads are self-centered and not selfish. He doesn’t explain why education at that point is really important for him and she doesn’t really understand the pride that is so much a part of a middle-class family person. I am actually explaining this badly and shortly when it should be elaborated with a 2000 word essay. Anyway, the main wow factor for me in NEPV is that the leads are ruled by their circumstances and characters (either developed or inherent) but never by their gender. For example, in Romeo Juliet, the heroine decides that she needs to marry rich, never thinks for a second that she could become rich by the old fashioned way of earning it. In contrast (it’s actually a blasphemy to compare NEPV and RJ), in the NEPV movie it is never about money, but about priorities.

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  7. Madhu says:

    And when she actually explains to him – “I cant wait for you to become rich” is a superb layer on her character after she “shows” him what she means and makes him spend around a lakh (it is too much for him, he earns 15K) on a single day.

    Oh God, what have I written!

    Note to self: Proof read.

    Second note to self: Subscribe to comments so that you don’t miss out on interesting discussions.

    What I meant was:
    And when she actually explains to him – “I cant wait for you to become rich” – that is a superb layer on her character. But this conversation happens after she “shows” him what she means when she wants a rich man. She makes him spend around a lakh (it is too much for him, he earns 15K) on a single day.

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  8. Srinivas: Thank you. I watched NEPV only once and it is something that really stays with me.
    Only I want to watch it (and VTV) one more time before I get down and write about it.

    I am currently watching OKK. And once I am done NEPV should be up.
    😀

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